Fourth Of July Alien Invasion
 WASHINGTON, DC - Alien warriors for Planet Gootan planned to attack Earth today, but the invasion has been averted - thanks to President Obama's secret negotiations! "From all indications, the invasion is off," said a high-ranking administration official. "President Obama is fully engaged with the Gootans." "The talks are continuing, but for now we believe the danger is over." Weekly World News first reported that an invasion was planned after scientists intercepted and translated a radio transmission from space in 2012. The brief message was decoded by an international team of scientists led by Dr. Gerhard Schultz, who said the transmission was intended for alien scouts already involved in pre-strike activities on Earth. "Make no mistake about it - aliens from Planet Gootan have served mankind with a declaration of war," Dr. Schultz said in 2012. "They are already on their way." Dr. Schultz said the message indicated that the aliens would invade Earth on July 4, 2013. Other scientists interpreted the message to say the intruders from Planet Gootan would be bringing a "large battalion of fighter spacecraft." U.S. officials have worked feverishly to find a way to avert the attack - going so far as to open negotiations with an envoy from the distant planet. Weekly World News reported in 2007 that former President George W. Bush had met several times with an alien from an unknown world. Sources subsequently revealed that the peace-loving alien was serving as a go-between for Bush and the invaders. The same alien, who backed Obama in the elections, later helped him negotiate with the attackers - and even took the newly elected President on a top-secret ride in a spaceship to meet their leader. Since then the U.N. Panel on Extraterrestrials has confirmed that the alien is from Planet Gootan. "Without the efforts of the friendly alien from Planet Gootan, we would be bracing for a devastating attack," said the White House aide. It is believe the aliens were going to use the chaos and distraction of July 4th fireworks to descend quickly into our atmosphere. But Earth's good fortune may doom another planet in a remote area of the Milky Way. "These alien warriors are no saints," the aide said. "They have been traveling for many years to get here and they aren't about to just turn around and go home without attacking somebody. "Unfortunately, another poor planet in another solar system is likely to suffer the wrath of these intergalactic death merchants."